I always find the small regrets the most frustrating. The big regrets are tragic and help us understand Joyce, and find redemption, and be better... but the small ones... they're just lame.
This evening The Girl, The Sister, and I went to see The Nutcracker. We haven't seen it since The Girl was three... because frankly, while I like the music and the dream-driven "storyline," the sets kind of suck (with the exception of the falling snow scene, which is lovely), and Act I draaaaags (until the falling snow scene, which is lovely). However, this year it made sense to go: this is The Sister's year with us (her ticket was her "Christmas Bonus"), and The Girl's friend's older sister (saw somebody pass out at Baskin-Robbins... sorry... I was channelling an 80's flick there for a minute) is IN the ballet. The mom told us that if we went her kiddo would want to come along with us and sit by my kiddo and pass on all the inside info. That's exactly what happened tonight (absolutely fascinating how the bed moves! I would write it here, but then I would no longer be on the inside... sorry...).
The girlies were excellent art appreciators -- they whispered ever-so quietly and stayed attentive throughout. My favorite moment was when I asked them if they liked Mother Ginger and the friend was like: "It's a guuuuyyy." Clearly "like" and a cross-dresser on stilts with children under his skirt should not be in the same sentence. We had a nice time. When it was over we went down and met the mom, the ballerina/sister, and a big group of her friends from school who had come to see her. Here's the set-up for the regret I mentioned: I'm handing off the kid and somebody mentions a cupcake and the mom looks at us and says, we're all going to [cupcake shop six blocks up], you're welcome to join. Would you have gone? Clearly it was the sister/ballerina's night, but it still would have been fun for my girl and her friend... Wait. Let me list today's "highlights" and then we will revisit...:
1. Girl I've been helping with admissions crap for boarding schools/top privates completely disregarded our last two sessions and set us back... Now, it's no skin off my teeth -- they're her applications -- but it felt so frustrating to be questioned on the ONE thing I actually know something about. Being a parent: I know nothing about, so when I suck at it, fine, I accept the lack of appreciation... But application packets? That's what I was born to do. Don't take that away from me.
2. One of the kids found out at the dentist that he/she has two small cavities in a back permanent tooth that will need to be filled. A crying session that broke capillaries -- and could break a heart -- ensued. This child has now learned that you can be a far better brusher than your sibling, and still be the one to get a cavity. In other words: life is not fair.
3. I found out that I have several dentist appointments in my near future. I already knew that life is not fair, but felt like crying anyway.
4. My apartment is a disaster and tomorrow the kids might be wearing their pajamas all day until laundry gets done. If the fish tank gets any thicker we might have an awesome science lesson... as we watch the fish drag themselves out of the water in a pathetic attempt to hedge their bets...
5. Christmas cards, among other things, still have not been finished. It's really hard to do Christmas preparation with homeschoolers... they're always here.
6. One of my children who shall remain nameless completely lost it around 3pm, and in so doing lost some privileges, thus impacting the plans for Man-Night-Sans-Nutcracker that he had been looking forward to. A crying session that could break glass ensued.
It was with this list in my back pocket that I stood there thinking: I cannot walk to the bloody cupcake shop and be social. I am tired. The girl does not need sugar between her teeth right before bed.
And I'm convinced it was the wrong call. My girl was very sweet and didn't complain or question my decision, but was clearly disappointed as we walked home. The inconvenience of the cupcake date would have been forgotten, but the cheerful time associated with the night at The Nutcracker probably would not. I should have followed my own mantra: convenience should not trump everything.
Sigh.
Somehow, between the moments of despair and drama, both kids worked independently on things today:
Without being asked, Judd the Red Chicken sat down and wrote a very informative essay on the Coast Guard.
The Girl used every bubble of Play Foam (kind of cool stuff -- nice and sensory and doesn't make a mess) to make a life-size puppy.
The cupcake might have given her nightmares. It could have just as easily sparked dreams that surpassed Hoffman's and Tschaikovsky's and Balanchine's combined vision. It doesn't matter now. Sometimes we suck. Sometimes we're lovely. An awful lot of both can happen in a very short space of time -- sometimes even one act.
